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9 year old won't play alone

- December 6, 2020 -

Its always hard when one of your children has little to no social contacts, as a Mom it tears our hearts right out. Start gradually. in middle school they would bus her to the high school for math, and when she would get back, no one wanted to be around her. And they are four now and can definitely find ways to entertain themselves. Grab our Ultimate Daily Routine Bundle - Now 60% OFF! C. B. Get him involved in activities related to the computor or chess tournaments. I know it can work for you too. We moved again this summer (we plan to stay here in Fort Collins, so that won't happen to the kids again -lol), and somehow at the last minute I decided to homeschool him and his younger sister (she's in second grade). I have been trying to get involved with all her school stuff, and the only activity that she enjoys doing is swimming, I think it has something to do with it being kind of a one on one sport not so much a team really. Her friends accept her the way she is, loving, creative, free spirited,and an endless bundle of energy. I think it could work…Just start with short time intervals and work your way up. I need to be able to get things done! My 2 year is soooo strong willed. Maybe that might help the other kids be nicer to him?? My daughter will be 9 soon. I am also going to look into some clubs for him. Thank you said so much! If the child doesn’t appear to like the playpen, give it a few minutes and gradually increase the time each day. Make the process fun for him, like you are going on an adventure to find good friends. We ADDers are extremly smart and we get ahead in life a little bit easier(I love my ADD)Just let him be him. Or will just seeing me really distract him enough to not even bother trying to play on his own? I have a 2 year old and almost 4 year old. He will find his good friends when the time is right. If your son sees that you are worried he might think he should be worried. I also am a stay at home of 4 kids. Thank you every one that sent repsonses. He needs to be were he will fit. Our playroom and her bedroom is upstairs, and his play pen is downstairs. I have a 9 yr old girl. 9-year-old's persistent insomnia Jan 2010 . most of my sisters Birthdays she had maybe 1 or two kids show up but it was still fun. Thanks for visiting! The more time that I spend at her school the more parents I meet, then it makes finding a child with the same intersts as mine easier and we can set up play dates, with me there she seems to be more comfortable with the other child. Fast forward a year and a half, I adopt a 7 year old mixed breed who also doesn’t like toys. I also have a friend that has an almost four year old and 1 year old twins. I have an 18-month-old who we have never been consistent about independent playtime about, because it has been an enormous struggle since birth. with ADD/ADHD when I was about 8. Can you send them to me as well, please? Do you have any advise on starting it later? I have been giving my kids independent play time since the beginning. He has a five, nearly 6 year old cousin whom he will play with for hours- imaginary games to trains to board games. Your email address will not be published. We have talked to my son, and he said he would like the pizza party with family members, when we have his younger brother's birthday party. Would you suggest play time in two separate areas or play time together? Good luck and keep me posted if you find anything that helps, I can also use the suggestions. I'm going through a similar experience with an 8 yr old girl. From the time he was in kindergarten, his teachers would always tell us that they thought he had ADD and needed to see a doctor for some medication. He is as sharp as a tack and just coming into his own now. This morning she pumped her fist and said, “the last one is ‘comb hair!’” before she came into the bathroom and started brushing her own hair. I had a son with ADD type problems. I would suggest you find friends just like your son. You learn how to laugh at yourself and not really care about other peoples differences because everybody is different not just your son. G. Hunjan. :) I know it's hard. I spend my days re-heating coffee while chasing my kids around the house. or youth football mom, or basket ball league mom? We’ve also experienced some easy phases with independent play. When it is during the same time each day, they tend to demonstrate an increased willingness to play alone. ... Get a snack, play on the computer. Smile and let him know that family is number one and he is a huge part of the family. Important skills only children learn from having time alone. Then, he'll be playing basketball, baseball, football, hiking, riding bikes. My son was flat out just ignoring our voices. She has a way of keeping herself engaged. Kids can be just plane mean! I’m not sure about how to maintain the routine when we switch between weekdays and weekends. Sometimes independent play now is coloring or painting or looking at books. I love the idea of independent playtime and I do thing there is a lot of value in starting from a young age. Now I’m 18, a senior in high school, and I have a little sister who’s 9 years old. It will take time, patience, and persistence, yet it will be so worth it. Set a timer in the room to signal to your child when IPT is over. Related: My Toddler Won't Play Without Me, So I Asked a Psychologist What to Do . This second study was conducted 14 years after the premarital program. I have a 10 month old who has severe separation anxiety. That doesn't seem to help. It is kind of wierd at first letting him play alone, but I try to envision what would be the most helpful in the years down the road. You can start with as a little as 15 minutes at ages 2 and 4. No mommy, no siblings. I think it's more when the kids are interactive with the rest of the classes at lunch, that they are more timid to ask. He not into sports and enjoys reading and board games and hot wheels. This really opened my eyes as to why my nearly 2 year-old son will not listen. As mothers we only want our children to be happy. Second grade was an exception, though, once his teacher got to know him and figured out his learning style. I have been through the same problem, as have several of my friends and their kids. The other option is just to say that you can't go, so the kids will have to play at your house if she isn't willing to try it on her own. Although, I still think it is beneficial to do it at the same time for school aged kids. Thank you so much for putting this out there. Keep doing this until you find someone or two that "click" for him. If you can, try to do this discretely so your child does not see you. It can be a taxing time for some as fellow classmates begin to develop at starkly different rates. Hi Victoria, My partner and I have tried and tried this system, but our dog still won't listen. Thank you so much! Great tips! I love to be on the computer because it has the stimulation that I cannot produce on my own. I have a 9 year old that has no or very few friends. I … Thank you! I feel much more confident in my ability to manage the challenges of this stage now. They accept that she takes medication, and some even remind her to take it. It really is an awesome and important skill. Yep, definitely play time in two separate areas since the goal is for them to each learn how to occupy themselves without the presence of another person. How to Stop Your Child From Whining – Immediately, One Simple Trick to Help Your Kids Fall Asleep Fast, One Surefire Way to Stop Entitlement and Raise Kind Kids, How to Handle Back Talk and Disrespect Like a Parenting Warrior, 7 Foods That Will Support Better Behavior in Kids – According to Science, How to Get Your Child to Follow a Routine Without Reminders, Discover how to manage anger in motherhood, Create a more organized and peaceful home life with kids, Experience more joy and gratitude in motherhood, Learn science-backed tips to improve your happiness. I've seen my proven strategies work time and time again for moms just like you. It’s been a few weeks since I started and the list could go on! I would let the bedtime be flexible for a while until he figures out how to get himself to sleep by himself. We took the child to a neurologist and had extensive scans and waves done. This is no dream. I have some questions though about getting started with two children! I have a very similar story. I truly believe we moms should feel encouraged when teaching our kids the value of independent play. Make sure to get RSVPs in advance from their parents so there are no surprises on the big day. No matter what the outcome of the party is make the party extra fun/special for your son and family. And now it seems second nature. Alone time is so important for kids and adults too…it can really help us return back to center. I feel so much better, as a mom, now that I’m intentionally encouraging my kid for his strengths. We went to a movie or whatever they chose. It is also the reason to do it at the same time. Don't make a big deal out of it though as he will pick up on you thinking it is important. or join the YMCA . As I leave, 9 times out of 10 they will say “bye bye mommy” with a big smile. Thanks Katleyn! :). What would you suggest with two toddlers close in age? You'll have to wait until he is old enough to go outside and play. I don't really have any advice for you, but there is a website you can check out I just love the idea of independent play, Katy. I went through the same phase when we moved here, from CA. Please help! But friendships, both in the early grade school years, and later, when they’re teenagers, are crucial to a child’s social and emotional growth. Some of the most genius grown ups that are super successful were reclusive children. I like your ideas though! The truth is, most kids this age are excited to go to a party no matter who is giving it. She wants me to carry her all day long or sit right next to her and play. (I have had previous experience with this with my non 18-YO son and refuse to go that route, especially because I don't see him as really having a problem that requires such.) I took her off of it when she was 11 BECAUSE I was told these drugs have nothing to do with behavioral issues! Hope that helps. Your guidance has helped organize me and prepare me mentally more than any other blog or support group, thank you. As for the kids being mean...Have you tried a Christian school? But in the end, it was the other kids problem and there was nothing wrong with her. We also have more hours in our day to do extra-curricular activities (which before was a problem because of the late hour school was let out, and then having to do homework after that). Ready to escape craytown and get back on track with routines, chores and keep mom sane? Thanks so much for sharing this with HDYDI and encouraging moms to give their kids a little time to themselves, even as babies. I would love to try it out! Your email address will not be published. Hang in there, like I told my daughter, I didn't make any 'true' friends until I was in middle school. Also, if you have a child that naturally enjoys playing on his own, I assume actually setting a predetermined time every day is pointless? I would be very aware of how he interacts on those playdates and offer parently advice when the children are gone to help him understand how what he does affects the way others perceive him and their desire to play with him. His teacher wasn't willing to help him whatsoever in the classroom, and repeatedly suggested he needed meds. He is above his grade level in most subjects. I just told her to be herself. His teacher said that was a very good idea. You choose the time of the day and with which toys your child will play. My parents sat me down and explained (and kept reminding me when ever I felt down)that everyone is made differently and IT IS NOT a disability. Can you send me the links on starting independent play late? Though Grant has a couple of friends, his mom, Cindy Daugherty, has wondered if her son might be isolating himself too much. Not exactly what I'd hoped, but you really can't blame him. They just said that I may be different but if we were all the same we would be very boring. In school as the kids get older they get meaner and I felt I needed to rescue him. These made a HUGE difference in like one day. His classmates see how well he does in class, but when it comes to playing with him on the playground, they don't play with him, or choose him to be on their team. Maybe earlier. So if you are looking to get a few things down around the house or shower or whatever, while our child plays safely and independently, you will likely want to get creative to ensure your child is out of sight or in a separate area. I’m Lauren Tamm, and I’m passionate about helping parents, teachers, caregivers and military spouses discover simple tools that minimize stress, create peace and build connection. I may put a basket of toys in the crib for my 16 month-old. And it’s bad crying thent he next 20 minutes he is so insecure, he won’t let me put him down and is so sensitive. good luck and hang in there. (Simply Life Coaching ...see my business listing). My 10 year old daughter freaks out every night at bedtime. She is a social butterfly. The biggest thing that made an impact was being consistent over time with him. Keep me posted! ... for example, but won’t pick up a pencil. Independent play is one of those really awesome things both you and your child can benefit immensely from. There are a few posts from other blogs about starting independent play late. This isn't your primary goal, of course, but the time you spend alone is also a good example for your children. Most kids love little more than a big mess, and making one can occupy them … 8 year old won't play on his own: Playing Alone: Lost tooth / flappy bit left! my sister used to be director of the one i queen creek and they have so much stuff for the kids to do and ist pretty inexpensive. Our son is no longer having his teacher tell him he needs medical help; he is no longer being picked on by other kids in class, the lunchroom, or on the playground; he is no longer being made to feel weird because he's not into sports. R.L.. Everything went really well from that time on that year. Otherwise plan a family party those are fun too! I think having a 4 or 5 year old capable of playing alone for an hour will work wonders on my happiness as well as my son’s. My twin boys have the luxury of each other, but we also teach them to play independently and they crave their alone moments. If the other kids can't see that, it's their loss! I have tried using a baby gate, or just closing the door. Parenting and motherhood in the midst of military life. they tell him that they have enough players, but they will add more children, when he leaves. My heart goes out to you. There are numerous reasons, but mainly because I couldn't bear to see my son year after year being left out, picked on, teased, and having no self esteem. I'm new here, and new to CO as well. They might have some services that will help your son find some friends. I'll share my story with you and hopefully it will help. I felt like I had to constantly be entertaining him or working with him. Can you send them to me, too? Self-Play adeptness: With freedom from influence, support, or aid from others, the child will move from dependent to skillfully independent. I just thought I'd give you a little insight into our story and hopefully encourage you in that you're not alone in this. I strongly urge you to seek out a professional who can guide you through this process, and also to read legitimate books and research on raising children with ADHD. I love this post, it has been so helpful to me! We had moved that summer, so he was with a whole different group of kids, but it just didn't go well that year. What do I do to ensure he plays independently without coming to search for me? If you read up on homeschooling, I think you will find anyone, regardless of background, education or number of children, can do it if they really want to. for a birthday party try taking him to a museum or science factory. 10 year old won't sleep on her own Thirst. We use cookies to customize content and advertising. You could offer “special toys” that she only gets to play with for 30 minutes on the weekend mornings in her room and you could call it something like “special playtime” or anything that will help her develop an association with the word and distinguish independent playtime from other playtime. Using the Babywise method or not, anyone can teach their children this really awesome, mutually beneficial skill with a little bit of parental diligence. Time spent playing independently typically extends as kids age, but the duration and ability to concentrate will … Below is a chart, containing some of the information found in Babywise II, to serve as a rough guide for what is appropriate for a child given their age and skills. You’re welcome! So if your kids protest, this is entirely normal and it can take a few weeks of consistency for them to realize that this is a good thing and that you are right around the corner if you need them Hope this helps, Ashley! Kids are so mean sometimes. Developmentally that should be realistic. htis is great way for kids to meet kids and participate. I will be teaching my daughters this skill right away. As for the party, prayer always seems to work for me, not only prayer but positive thinking. What do you suggest if you want to put him in a playpen for independent play in a one bedroom apartment? Desperate for any advice please! My sister spent a lot of time when she was home in tears. My kids are now being exposed to more opportunities than I ever dreamed of. I feel for your son. I don’t know why I never really thought about this when my oldest was younger. Anyway, this year is a different story. Listening has been our biggest challenge lately. And that I’m not a bad mom for wanting him to learn to play by himself. Glad you posted this because I think a lot of moms feel like they have to be martyrs and sacrifice all their time for their children when it’s really ok to have time to do other things. Keep up the good work! Also, I would recommend inviting the whold class somewhere fun where the kids will want to come because of the location-like Chucky Cheese or Castles and Coasters. Avoid interacting with your child during this time. Good luck and I hope this helps! All it takes is for one kid at school to connect with him and others will start to back off of teasing him, or even begin to like him too. It’s so difficult. He not into sports and enjoys reading and board games and hot wheels. She might have a social group your son could join. Not only did I make friends but when I did have to quit because of reason's I still have those friends to this day. Instead of having a friend party - have a Family party. As your baby gets a bit older and into the toddler years, being in the same room typically presents challenges. for his birthday maybe you can make a snack and take it to school to share with his classmates. I usually try to spend some one-on-one time with my son before I ask … As for the birthday party, I suggest having a combination family/ friends party. Well, sorry I don't have any real answers for you. Maybe you could explain that it is not quantity but rather quality that counts in this world. My daughter is 34 months, and has always been very focused and organized and sleeps very well, so I never felt the need for anything like IPT until late second pregnancy and of course once the new baby came. I can do anything that I set my mind to even though sometimes it might be a little harder or a little frustrating. I had someone come to my house to do physical and speech therapy for my daughter. We started doing that a few years ago- we did all the big birthday parties - but my son didn't like the big parties and do to finances one year we had to cut the parties and just have a small family party. Then maybe if they see your son in his environment and not at school with the peer pressure it may help. lol, All I can say is you have to let your son be himself (even if it means he doesn't like sports and is more of the intellectual type, like mine is). Not only that, but the empathy statements and “turning a no into a yes” actually had my three year old saying “okay, mom” happily and complying right away without fighting or tears, by the end of the day! I was always told growing up it isn't the quantity of friends it is the quality. If you are just beginning, start with just 5 or 10 minutes and work your way up in 5 or 10 minutes increments each day until your reach your goal amount of time. Best of luck to you and your family! I have an ADD dad and 1 of my brothers also have it. I wasn’t as religious about my daughter having independent play as an infant. Copyright © 2020 The Military Wife and Mom  •  All Rights Reserved  •  Site Design by Emily White Designs. If you live near me we could set up a play date, he is very nice to everyone. Today I’m continuing on with my Babywise Basics series and talking about Independent Playtime (If you missed my previous Babywise Basics posts on Why We Chose Babywise and How to Sleep-Train, be sure to check them out). Maybe it will extend to the schoolyard. Put up a baby gate? Thanks for sharing a bit of your experience! I also signed up for your “better listening” email series and have been learning a ton and working on implementing your advice with my 21 month & 3 1/2 year olds. If you don't, no one else will. He is counting the days, now to his birthday. Sane parents. I love the GS because that's what they do get the kids involved and help get comfortable with themselves. I’m sold! I have asked his teacher what can I do or say to my child to get him more active in play, and she can't think of anything. I write about my crazy parenting adventures, discovering happiness in motherhood and navigating the ups and downs of military life. Don’t overuse IPT. Another idea is to go to an amusement park, or have a day out at the movies with pizza and ice cream, the whole 9 yards... you know, sort of pricey stuff, and tell him he can only have one friend come. Grab our Ultimate Daily Routine Bundle - Now 60% OFF! "You don't have to talk to anybody," he says. You might ask him what his take is on this situation. He started having other boys pick on him at school and he started fighting back. First you stress because they don't seem to have any friends, then you stress when they pick 'the wrong' friends. But there is no clear boundary on that, which is starting to matter. During that age range, kids are typically a bit resistant to independent play. He is 4, and we have still not been able to get him to play independently. Its such a hard thing to deal with, but remember kids are very resilient, I hope everything works out for him. When IPT is over, offer praise and have the child help put away the toys. My 11-year-old son is on the autistic spectrum. Jr is 5 months and I’ve got him on the jumperoo and blanket so far, good to know what to do next. The rec centers have classes too that are fun. Older toddlers and children will transition from the play yard to their rooms and have IPT in their room or other room of the house. Mom breast-fed her until really late, and now my sister feels my mother’s breasts the way my brother and I did. Thanks! The world needs all types of people. Required fields are marked *.,,,,,, Your kids can see you enjoy doing the things you love alone and that you don't need someone else's attention 100% of the time to be happy. Initially when your baby is small, being in the same room, yet out of sight, will work just fine. They ask him to play. That way, he still has his party, but you don't have to worry about lots of kids not showing up, and kids are more likely to go when they are the only one invited... plus, it will give him some one on one time with the kid he does pick, and it will give that kid a chance to see how great your son really is! There’s no room in the house that is totally safe, and even when I do just gate him into a room to play, he screams at the gate the whole time – the idea of being constricted is what he doesn’t like, and it breaks my heart! My heart sunk and I signed up for your daily email list of listening. I have 18 month old twins and I think we all need independent play. However, she doesn't want either of us to leave and she starts to cry and becomes very anxious, to the point of making herself feel … I have one step-daughter that quite clearly never was taught independent play and she struggled growing up and still struggles to entertain herself. One kid who wants to be there is better than a room full of nasty kids who will not realize what a great kid your son is until he owns a big company and they are nothing but mean.

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